Part II of ILI is about the work. You know, not “work” but the work. Our first Zoom call since our in person Cultural Intensive had me in the feels. It was so good to be with like-minded artists who are feeling big feelings, transforming big thoughts, creating big things.
Coming out of “Who are you?” we started with work that helped us transition between Part I and Part II: Charlene A Carruthers’ 5 Questions.
Who are you?
Who are your people?
What do they want?
What are you building?
Are you ready to win?
This came at a strange moment for me. Sick with a head cold, facing some triggers and traits that I need to work through, and about to head into something I still don’t have answers for, creating this felt a little like coming home to myself. I needed the reminder, I needed the push, I needed to step into the work and actually do it. Too often I feel too exhausted or overwhelmed to really align myself with my values, it feels too complicated to explain to my kids, I am pinned down between what is convenient and what is right.
This project put the work I have done and the work I need to still do? Right in front of me. Strangely, this clarity was something I had been craving for I don’t even know how long. I had stayed so busy that I had forgotten to dig in and actually do the things that needed to be done. I still have a long way to go, but it has been good to get back to the root of things. The work.
Sometime I can’t believe I ever doubted ILI was for me. This program has oddly become a beacon of calm and consistency in my otherwise hectic life. And it has called me into more confidence, self-reflection, and work than… honestly? Most everything else.
The relationships I am growing, the work coming out of this, the reevaluation of who I am and what I am pursuing would not be possible without the collective organization, energy, and effort of the amazing people involved with ILI. But I’ll stop before I start sounding like a cult member.
I ordered my new passport this week (my old one expired, but they actually let me fly with it twice in February… idk TSA, what are the rules exactly?), for a trip to Mississippi in the middle of Summer. Everyone tells me I’ll hate it, but I genuinely can’t wait. The people I met and the things I learned on our first cultural intensive, in a place where I am part of the indigenous population, was so amazingly powerful? That I cannot imagine the effect the next trip will have on me. I look forward to the deeper relationships, the wilder experiences, the beautiful opportunities to grow.
(Culty, I know, I’m so sorry, except I’m not)
This wasn’t meant to be a long post at all, so I’ll end where I started.
Charlene A Carruthers’ 5 Questions.
Who am I? Malialani. Anarchist, writer, artist, learner, mistake-maker, sunshine obsessed, feral creature. Honest and exhausted, always growing, believes the best in people, believes the worst in systems. Chaotic, green-eyed, freckled mess. Happy, content, loved.
Who are your people? My family. My kids and my husband. Revolutionaries. Culture Keepers. People of Color. Queers. People who speak truth even when, especially when, it is hard. Radicals. Lovers. Writers. Artists.
What do they want? To be heard. To be seen. To be loved. For the institutions to be overturned. For culture to survive and thrive. Freedom. Safety. Revolution. Honesty. Time and space.
What are you building? Systems of care outside of existing institutions. Honest and truthful revolution. Safe spaces to learn and grow without judgement or shame. New and old things. Community that continues the conversation.
Are you ready to win? Yes. I finally fucking am.
xo
Malialani
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